The Zombie Paradox

Zombies love to eat brains—we all agree on that, yes? Good. And the most sure fire way to kill a zombie is to destroy the brain. Right. My question then is this: where do little zombies come from?

Think about it. If a zombie munches on a dead man’s noggin to get at that sweet, sweet brain-meat how does the man ever rise up to join his undead pals? He’s got no brain!

Unless of course zombies don’t eat brains. Could this be some kind of conspiracy to scare us into thinking (with our brains!) that zombies are all brain-thirsty cannibals? Maybe they just want to nibble on a kneecap. But would you be afraid of an advancing horde of zombies moaning about random joints?


See? Not scary. So, it has to be brains, which brings us back to the paradox.

Consider also that the long dead don’t necessarily have much in the gray matter department to begin with. That stuff deteriorates rather quickly after death turning to mush in a matter of days if left out in the sun. Stuffed into a top-of-the-line coffin with a couple pints of embalming fluid will keep it fresh a while longer, but in a year or so it’s all gone. That would make most cemeteries safe zones when it comes to the zombie apocalypse. Unless...

What if it’s not the brain at all, but the idea of it?

Sounds like magic to me, which makes sense. The zombie menace was originally born of a voodoo curse, was it not? I know there’s a whole bunch of pseudo scientific research out there about prions, mutant proteins, viruses and the like. Bah! It’s magic I tells ya! Nothing else makes sense. And if it’s magic then simply the idea of a brain would be enough for the corpse to reanimate. Conversely, the perceived destruction of said “brain” would destroy the zombie. He thinks he’s supposed to die so he does. Makes perfect sense!

So eat up Mr. Zombie—and don’t forget the brains!