Welcome to the first in a series of interviews with the zombie I keep chained under the house. For scientific purposes. His name is Gorm.
ZOMBIE CLAMBAKE: Good morning, Gorm. How are you feeling today?
GORM THE ZOMBIE: (head lolls forward) ...brains...
Later. First question: who's going to win the best picture Oscar this year?
(tilts head, blinks)
By your silence I assume you’re indicating The Artist. Safe bet. Got a favorite?
...help...
Great movie. Emma Stone, right? Wasn’t she in Zombieland, too.
...uhhhnnn...
...awwwrrr...
Yes, I’ll get the wi-fi set up soon. You won’t miss any updates.
...friend...
You’re quoting Frankenstein, now? Bit on the nose, don’t you think? How is your nose, by the way? Find it yet?
(sniffs)
S’alright. You can hardly tell. Okay, word association...zombie?
...brains...
Brains?
...brains...
Blueberry?
...brains...
Emma?
...sexy brains...
Walnut?
...brains...
They do look like little brains, don’t they?
...taste like walnut...
And what do brains taste like?
...crème brûlée...
No kidding? How about the texture?
...flan...
Well...I think we’ve got some vanilla pudding in the fridge.
(sighs)
What? They’re all custard, right?
(rolls eyes)
I think I see Gorm tearing up. I reach out a hand to comfort him, which he tries to bite. I smash his head with my Official Sean of the Dead Zombie Crackin’ Cricket Bat.
End of interview.